Places I've lived since I sold my house

My Garage

Momma's basement


Dad's camper


Jeep (while parked in Fort MacKay's dump!)


Motel in small town BC


Ruthie's second bedroom


Holiday Inn in Calgary


Current couch/bed

On Scaring

I was thirteen and Ruth was nine.

I left the bathroom and casually half-closed the door, Ruth stayed to finish up. Joanna and Miriam were already in bed. I walked to my bedroom, closed the door and crept back towards the bathroom. I had to cross it to get to Ruth's bedroom, luckily I'm a born ninja. This was my most intense ninja trial to date [if I pull it off, I will be blessed with great honor! (mouthing something else)].

I darted into her room, slid under her bed and waited. I didn't have to wait long, she quickly followed and closed the door. I immediately got very uncomfortable when instead of coming to the bed she walked up to her full size mirror. [what if she's about to explore the changes taking place in her body?!] Before the terror of that scenario really sank in she turned towards the bed. I was a friggin' cobra ready to strike. I waited til her right foot was raising to get onto the bed and I grabbed onto her left ankle as hard as I could.

So my reward. She ripped her leg from my grip and started screaming and jumping on the bed to the point where it was a panic attack. [That was great, now time for a happy ninja dream...]

Meanwhile Ruth suffered major psychological problems for YEARS. She got an actual phobia of raised beds and had to drop hers to the floor! Turns out you can condition people by scaring them.

Skip ahead 14 years.

I scanned the front street, peaking through the mesh underlayer of my ghillie suit. There weren't many trick or treaters this year so I had to make it count. Then I saw her. Her parents stayed at the street but they weren't lazy, they were trying to teach their little angel social confidence, something children greatly lack these days. A conditioning regime of their own? 100 confrontations with strangers leading to a bag full of candy. The stomach ache would be forgotten but the panic attack wouldn't! Purple matching witch costume with a confident walk that screamed "I deserve a full chocolate bar!" Her parent's plan was working wonderfully, their baby would have confidence and would never as a teen have recreational sex.



Am I a huge asshole perverting a pure tradition which fosters social confidence and community building? I don't think so. More an artist adding texture to the painting that is society.

Back to the little witch, in a costume choosing disposable glamor over "the dark side". Now every shrub, dark bag, branch, ANYTHING could be a monster!! To attack AT ANY TIME!! Monsters don't just exist on Halloween.

But what of the future big witch? By the time she's a ripe 16 year old she'll possess such character, such strength, such conviction! Just look at how Ruthie turned out! She'll join the ranks of war journalists and presidents of Central American countries. People faced with their demons so regularly that only sex can provide the rush (not just any kind of sex, safety word shit!) and only religion the comfort they crave.

So I blessed the little witch with future kinky sex AND religion.

In 10 years a slutty nurse, slutty teacher and slutty cop will succumb to a slutty witch who will dominate all she crosses until one day she tracks down that old man who once passed on the blessing of fostering a pants shitting which he posted on Youtube for the world to see in full AND half speed and she'll give that old man a lap dance and he'll squirt old jiz in his old pants and have a heart attack.

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